(totally not barfing my inner thoughts all over the interwebs, i swear :P)
1. The fact that your couch is at least 20 years old.
2. You ordered pizza tonight. The scale shudders in the back of your closet.
3. The number of your Facebook friends is way less than someone else's.
4. You haven't gotten a master's degree yet.
5. You haven't published a masterful book yet.
6. You haven't recorded the next White Album.
7. Your cat likes your partner better. That bitch queen.
8. Why aren't you the next Jack Kerouac yet? Oh yeah, you have a festering hatred for poetry.
9. You haven't cured the world of hunger, poverty, ignorance, hybrid car smugness, or Twilight fans yet.
10. That longing for grownup, 400+ thread count linens...
11. All humans make mistakes. This includes your parents, your partner, your boss, and most importantly, YOU.
12. That guy in the next car is hooting at you...or is it making fun of the J-pop you have cranked up to GhettoBlaster levels of ear pain?
13. You don't look like Scarlett Johansson.
14. You have no desire to go to a high school reunion in three years.
15. You still like candles on your birthday cake.
16. Your LOLcat isn't on the front of Cheezburger.
17. Someone more qualified got that fancy job with a salary.
18. You're not driving a Prius/Leaf/fart-powered sexmobile because they're too damn esspensive.
19. You can't always get what you want.
20. ...But sometimes, you just might find that you get what you need.
21. Your chin/nose/brow/freckles stick out farther than a millimeter from your face.
22. College fizzled the reading-for-pleasure center of your brain.
23. Your peeps/bros/co-workers/homies can run a mile and a half, which is a mile and a half more than you can do.
24. AKB48 sells more records than god.
25. And damn it, why aren't you an idol?
26. Because you're *ahem* too tall. Yeah, that's it.
27. You can't go toe to toe with people in political arguments.
28. You hate politics.
29. You just can't bring yourself to be interested in the latest crazy presidential bid, anyway.
30. You aren't octolingual.
31. You haven't accidentally invented the laser mouse, Tetris or the Snuggie yet.
32. There are some people in this world you just won't ever get along with.
33. You don't have a time machine.
34. Or a TARDIS.
35. Or a David Tennant, Matt Smith, a Christopher Eccelston or Paul McGann.
36. ....Or a Billie Piper...or a Karen Gillan. *omnom*
38. You're not internet famous.
39. You're not a super porntastic sex goddess.
40. You're too old to get $20 bills in your birthday cards (or $100s, or boxes full of money for no reason :D )