Monday, May 28, 2012

Morning Musume hits 50! Bring on the hawt flashes!

(Not your mother's Momusu!)

So yeah, apparently there's some new single out by this one group...whatshernameagain...and it's, like, a super huge dealio and stuff.

I've been out of town for the bulk of the blogstorm about this single, but better late than never, right?  Normally I don't like to dedicate whole posts to H!P singles--many other writers out there do a great job of covering all the finer details and opinions without me being all "O HAY I LIEK THIS SONG SO YEAH HATAZ."  But, this is a whole new Morning Musume, this is their 50th single, and there are lots of juicy talking points to play with! And lots of opportunities for bad menopause jokes.


THE COSTUMES:

The outfits sold me on the single before even hearing it.  Dear sweet potato jesus cookies, these outfits are FREAKING AWESOME!  I wasn't really a huge fan of the lamé bloomers + visor look for Renai Hunter.  It said less "awesome girls looking for love" and more "high-stakes-poker-cheerleaders-on-the-Enterprise" to me.  This...I can get behind this.  These outfits are the perfect balance of sexy, girlie and power dancer to me.  Especially on Haruna and Haruka (OHMAHGAWD).  Zukki and Erina killed these too, but Sayu has some golden girl top boob pooch going on that I just can't support...though I wish I could try OH WUT!


THE CHOREOGRAPHY:

After the disaster that was the epileptic horse stance twitching of Renai Hunter, it's really nice to see some better choreography.  And not just better, I'd even venture to say REALLY GOOD!  Morning Musume hasn't really had any memorable dances since Maji Desu ka Ska, so I'm glad there's some work going on in that department.  Seriously, watching Renai Hunter's choreography being compared to Fairies was cruel and tragic.  All the 2011 additions are kicking ass in the dance department now, and I'm very happy to see Ayumi up front.


THE LINE DISTRIBUTION:

Sucks balls...again.  I am very accepting of the whole there-will-be-lead-singers-in-idol-groups business, but now that MM has added not just one, but EIGHT new members, I'm really tired of seeing the same two (and a half) members being used.  UFA needs to USE them.  I love Riho.  I'm glad she's a frontgirl.  She was clearly worth investing in, and she kicks ass now compared to where she was when she joined.  Keep her where she is. I'm sick and tired of Reina, but she can sing, so let her stay lead, I guess.  Sayumi, keep doing what you're doing.  Rap, monologue and be electronic.  It sounds fantastic.  Let's see, that leaves SEVEN members untouched, three of whom are already pretty decent singers (Haruka, Ayumi and FUCKING MIZUKI FOR GODSSAKE!!), and two of whom are quite trainable (Zukki and Masaki).  This is not Platinum 9 era any more, and Reina's a chilly old hag.  Use.  The.  New.  Members.  Already.

THE MUSIC ITSELF:

I love it.  Great arrangement, great use of electronic effects, great everything.  I'll leave my opinion there.

Now, as for the other nitpickery out there, well, I just can't let those go.  You know me.  I'll even give you a short bitchlist!

1. "WAAH AUTOTUNING!"

Get over it.  Seriously.  You can't love kpop, no3b's b-sides, or anything involving Nakata Yasutaka and whine about "autotune."  For one, it's not reeeeeally autotune, per se.  Autotune is the lazy man's way of fixing off-pitch notes or runs, and you can usually tell when it's being used if you listen closely enough.  You have to amp it up A LOT for the correction to actually be distinct in a recorded track, and at that point, it's not autotune anymore.  It's an electronic effect which is meant to be heard and included as an element in the song.

For any of you who have actually recorded in a studio, you're well aware of other methods used to correct slightly off notes that aren't autotune.  You know, where you pick out a tenth of a second of sound and adjust the particular wavelength up or down a few cents so you don't sound like a dying cat?  Or where you silence a pop or a breath?  Yeah, that.  Sorry, all you "true voice purists" out there: even the most authentic recording artist out there is usually not being 100% "real" in album recordings.  We're all LYING TO YOU!!!  MUAHAHAHA!!

(This brought to you by the Oatmeal, who would like to teach us all some valuable life lessons!! 
And who has no idea I'm plugging this, SORRY MATT!!!)

Plus, autotune can be used to create some amazing things.  Like this.  (Which, btw, is also available on vinyl.)  Enjoy.


2. "IT'S KPOP!  AND KPOP IS BAD!"

Okay kids, Korea in no way has a monopoly on electronic-flavored dance music.  Dancey ≠ Kpop.

Kpop is neither bad, nor is it "invading," nor is it turning your kids into anarchistic, graverobbing, farmer murdering gang members.  Stop being a racist prick.

3. "IT'S TOO MATURE!"

And PPU was.....what, exactly?

4. "WHAT KIND OF SYCOPHANT ARE YOU?"

What kind of sycophant would you like me to be?

(I'll be her kind.  Yeah, that should work.)


PS: 3:57: Riho = GLaDOS.

1 comment:

Nyasha said...

Honestly we cannot expect much of a change with the line distribution. It's been like that for years where two girls usually lead the song with the others getting a sentence or in the 50th single's case, a vowel to sing.

But I am really looking forward to the MV! I'm already learning the dance ^__^